Under strict guidelines set forth by our beloved founder Enrico (directed at me personally) and comment codger Rob Iracane (directed at all mankind), I ordinarily leave my fantasy sports geekdom and prejudices out of the posts here. It's a lot harder than you think, but one of the best laws of sports discussions is that no one outside of your league cares about your fantasy [sport] team. Just ask anyone who's listened to Tony Kornheiser, who must play in a 2-team FBB league with 35 roster spots.
That being said, with the Phillies facing Rich Harden today, I can't resist. I've owned Harden in each of the previous two seasons, which can best be summed up as a bad relationship I just didn't have the balls to end.
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Harden, as you may already know, has for most of his career spent far more time on the DL than the
mound, and his ailments seem to come from out of the blue, yet linger
unpredictably, without intelligible timelines, while owners read tales of playing catch (a great sign for a baseball player) and long toss. On top of never knowing when he'd return from the DL (could be 2 more weeks, could be the All-Star Break...), the most frustrating part of having Harden on your roster is that when he's not hurt, he's just sofa king good. Unlike Mark Prior and Kerry Wood, the oft-injured pitchers he's most often compared to, Harden would come off the DL in prime form, ready to throw 9 Ks in 7 innings on a pitch count. He might give you a few good starts, and then bam—tightness in his back. See ya next month. But with all that talent, you just didn't want to see him on another team that day that he got healthy.
Harden pitched just 25.2 innings in 2007, throwing 27 Ks and earning one win. In 2006, he won four of his whopping nine starts, striking out 49 batters in 46.2 innings. Amazing. When he's healthy.
So this year, I stayed away. I thanked the guy who drafted him (dick), because it ensured that I wouldn't. Then, oddly enough, Harden started the season on the active roster. He pitched his ass off for two straight outings against the Red Sox, the first of which was in Japan, and I poured a drink and told myself it would be OK, Harden would be on the DL soon. Just like the crazy-but-hot ex you couldn't stand to be with, but couldn't stand to see with someone else, you start pathetically hoping something bad happens to both of them. God I hope he wrongs you too and gets his whore ass back on that DL. I bet he gets hurt on the flight back from Tokyo or a rabid Sox fan gives him the clap like Jimmy Dugan. And then, despite my angering the gods by hoping for an injury, I got my wish (the first one). Mysterious reports surfaced about pushing back starts and unusual injuries. Harden literally may have gotten hurt on the flight back, something I'd actually joked about with a fellow Harden sufferer.
Rich missed about a month, but then completed an uneventful rehab, and he's been healthy as a whorse ever since. He's been hit hard only once, and his record stands at a flawless 4-0. He's a power righty, with mid-90's heat and great control. Over Harden's last two starts, he's yielded only one earned run. Unless he injures his finger unlocking his car door, which is extremely possible, the Phils could likely have some trouble replicating last night's success. I'll be rooting against him more than ever, of course. Whore that he is.
